Divorce & Separation
Why is a divorce or separation so hard? Is it about leaving your partner? Putting a final dot on a 15 year story? Not seeing a future together anymore?
I divorced twice. My parents divorced. A few family members have divorced. Friends have divorced. My clients have divorced.
Except for extreme and abusive relationships where it’s more an act of survival than anything else, when you start thinking of a separation or break up, it’s actually more about you and how you have changed. The one that fell in love with that man or woman is no longer aligned with the new self that is trying to be birthed. Most of the time, it’s not about a lack of love or sexuality — even though that can play a factor — it's often more about misalignment. You no longer feel aligned with your person because you changed and you want different things.
Often the most painful part here is to accept that you used to love that person more than anything in the world and couldn't bare a break up. But now after a few years together, even if you’ve been happy, something is missing and it has nothing to do with your partner, but just you.
A divorce is difficult because it’s not only mourning a relationship, but a person that you used to be. It can be scary to move forward and embrace your new self. But it's worth it. Even if you have children, a house, so many holidays, a ton of memories, and maybe even still some things in common with your ex, by staying and being unfulfilled, in an instant, you could actually jeopardize those last beautiful 15 years.
Yes, it takes great courage to choose yourself, especially for women because women are not taught to choose themselves. Instead they learn to sacrifice their needs for others. So when a woman asks for a divorce or separation, it’s a woman that is in her own power, essence and self-worth.
My mom used to say all the time, that Love was looking towards the same direction. I love that, and couldn't agree more. You may look towards the same direction for a few weeks, months or years. At some point, that road can split. And if it does, is it a failure? No, it just means that in your relationship, you were allowed to grow. It’s always a risk to take, to grow together or separately, but if you can continue to want the best for that person, you can still love them, just differently. That is honoring your relationships and your growth.
Much Love,
Marine Sélénée